= McDonald's COCA COLA Contour Glass =

Wee~~

I just came back from McD and I just got myself a pink COCA COLA contour glass~

Here's my new darling:

Darling's still in the box

Darling without box

Hoho.. Can't wait to rasmikan my new darling now.. Hahaha...

You can get this limited edition COCA COLA contour glass with purchase of any McDonald's large set plus a mouth-watering sundae... HoHo... You get to eat the sundae which comes in two flavors (strawberry and chocolate) and get this nice darling for FREE~~ Mine is named as "Pink the Sparks".. They come in lots of other colors: Green, Blue, Lime, Purple and Charcoal.. There's even a clear one... XD

So, what are you guys waiting for?? Hurry up and collect all 7 today~~ (Promo for the glass, wahahahaha...)

Just happy cause I get to eat McD just now.. Together with the ayam goreng and cold COKE~~ And also the French Fries.. Huu~~

I think that's about it for now.. Just wanna show off my new darling..

p/s: doudou, jangan jeles~~ XD

-Of Cheese Cake Craves-

Gosh...

I actually turned of my laptop in frustruation like 10 minutes ago.. And here I am re-opening it and blogging so late past midnite... Haizz.. today whole day waste in front of laptop, hoping to finish another of my assignments, but yet i gave up just now.. Damn~ I reli reli hate looking for journals and completing literature reviews.. It is just so F***ing hard to find the correct one, the one we truly need for doing the literature review.. Haizzz..

Gosh, I'm so stressed out right now that I suddenly wan to write this post about my crave for the SECRET RECIPE cheese cake now.. Haizz... I am already fantasizing about the marble cheese cake, the choc cheese cake and also the cappucino one.. And while enjoying these, how nice it is if there's also a cup of hot chocolate... Gosh, feels like heaven if these can reli happen now.. T_T

Haizzz... I'm not lazee.. I reli do wan to finish my assignments quickly, but y isit just so damn hard to find the materials.. Y????? Gosh!!!!

I hate the feeling of waking up to assignments EVERYDAY!! Its reli tiring! I dun even get to sleep well!!! To ask me to just simply do my assignments even when I noe i dun have enough material is simply out of the question! Its against my principle!! Haizz.. Damn!

From the moment I wake up today, I faced my laptop without even having breakfast first... There were only oats for lunch, even that is taken while still facing the laptop! Then the hours just past like that!! Gosh!!!! The journals seems forever to find! Nothing on the topic that I was supposed to review about!!!!!!! Arrrgghh!!! I realized thatI kept scratching my head from just now.. I think all my already-thin-enough hair is gonna fall off if this continue.. Haizzz.. FRUST-FRUST-FRUST!!

I cnt get to sleep.. How am I supposed to sleep when whenever I close my eyes, I see assignments piled up???

HAizzz....

**I reli wish to have a slice of the SECRET RECIPE cheese cake now**

**Sobs**

-Hopeless Me-

...

Its funny.. But I suddenly wanted to write a post which I dun even noe what to name as...

I just suddenly tot that I reli missed the past... How nice it is if I can just go bek to being the simple me... I noe changes are good for me, but its like I dunno me anymore... Life seems so superficial, I seemed so FAKE... Is it really that way, or I'm just thking to much?..

Gosh, must be the result of my insomnia...

Anyway, I had a much better sleep yest thanks to Talka-Dou-Dou and oso My crazeee roomate... We actually sang nursery rhymes in the wee hours, past midnite.. Yup, u heard that right, NURSERY RHYMES!!! Together with the dance.. So miss the stupid old me in kindergarden... XD

i actually relieved those days yesterday, a pity we din took any pics.. So So so so so DAMN Fun~~ U guys should try it too when u're stressed out..

Haha, we did the 10 lil indians, the hokey pokey, the finger song ( in which we actually pointed the middle finger JUST LIKE THAT.. ) was so00 FUN!!.. Oh, and u guys should also try the "If u're happy" song... haha... (remember the Gatsby ad?) XD.. anyway, it was just FUN.. dunno how to describe it, but I reli will miss yesterday.. =)

Gosh, dun think I will ever have a another chance like that ever again..

I'm dizzying over Internships now.. Gosh, how am I ever gonna step into the outside world, in the name of INTERNSHIP, if I dun even noe what I can really offer?

**Crossing my fingers so that my future bosses wouldn't jump upon this post**

Anyway, hope I do get a great company to gain enough exp... **Winks**

Arghhh, so Damn hungry now... Its so ironic u noe, that when our Muslims counterpart were fasting, we're the ones busy looking all over for foods at the Bazaar Ramadhan.. And now when they're all back home, Raya-ing, we're the ones "FASTING".. (cos all the cafe's in sch isn't opened, and town is far away).. Gosh... T_T

Haizz... k la... I think that's all I want to say for today.. In the mean time, I reli hope someone will hand-deliver food to my door... XD

**Hungry** T_T

~Origins of my Insomnia~

Geez..

What is LOVE? If he takes care of you and you are able to do the same for him; or you do things for him/ her without asking anything in return, then this is LOVE? Its complicated...

I read somewhere just now in a website that heartbroken is "an excruciating pain, that hurts like H***, but then you can't find any wounds on you, just PAIN... There isn't even any known cure for it..

I'm supposed to be finishing my 7 assignments, and yet I haven even fully completed one by today.. I have only 7 days left of my holidays, will I survive? T_T

Geez, I reli am stressed out now... All these things.. No one to turn to, No shoulder to cry on.. Nothing..

I dun even noe where to start talking about how I ended up so miserably today, it just happen.. POOF!! Just like that... Haizzz...

Headache... Heartache.... Depressed.. ====> Insomnia as the result..

Guess I just have to pull myself together and go thru all this..

It will be over soon, I know... Just have to brace myself...

Aja Aja!!! Y(^o^)Y

Exhausted Inside Out

Hmmm

I've tot about a lot these few days when I was sick...

I think its due to my serious case of insomnia.... :(

When you are alone, you tend to think back about a lot of things... It's true I guess...

F-O-R-G-I-V-E-----A-N-D-----F-O-R-G-E-T

This phrase sounds familliar rite?

How many times have you tried to tell yourself this phrase and tried to convince yourself into forgiving someone for whatever mistakes that they have done?

Did it work?

Hmm.... Well, for me... Sometimes it works but sometimes it don't..

I thk it depends on the severity of the mistake level.. Rite?

Well... I've tried my best to try forgive someone... But I cnt deny that sometimes.. Memories are just so hard to fade... And they remind me of the mistakes he/she did.. And then, its just so hard... And then, it slowly kills me on the inside.... :(

I think wats best for me now, or for whoever that had made up their mind to F&F is to reli promise yourself that you will forget...

Mayb that's the best way for both parties... :)

But then, if the same person commits this mistakes again and again.. what then?

Another F&F?

Haha... Silly question... But worth pondering upon rite? :)

Oh... Come on.. Better than getting sad or depressed even one minute for someone who isn't worth it, why not use that one minute to take it out of you?

I mean like letting out your bottled up, depressed feelings...

Do something that makes you hapy.. Or talk to someone...

Well, I used to let out my anger by screaming loudly into a pillow so that my muffled scream wudn't frighten my neighbours.. Haha....

But now.. I learn to talk to someone... It's reli nice to find a listener.. Someone you can talk to and someone you can trust... :)

But then, you can also talk to something.. Well, like me, I am pouring out all my thkings here into my blog...

Even though it may mean that someone may be reading my blog and tell me on how mushy and weird my blog postings sounds.. But at the end of the day, my chest wun feel so tight-up with all the bottled feelings I've kept... :)

Well.. May my posting this time b able to help someone.. or whoever is reading it... :)

Good Nite everyone... :)

~Home <---> Got Sick~

Haizzz...

I tot I can finally enjoy it at home... U noe la.. The usual, watch Tv, Sliipppp, and Eat.. Eat.. Eat..

But who wud have guessed that I had fallen ill upon the third day of reaching home... haizzz...

I'm so scared and SAD now that I'm hiding in a corner.. Drawing circles.... Haizzzz... What if it's H1N1??? Wahaha....

Cham cham cham.....

P/S: Those who r reading this blog.. pray for ur CUTE friend... k?

I'm missing someone now... ;(

I'm so "DOWN" now....

Cos I have so many stuffs that I need to buy... But then i dun have enough CAPITAL to do so.... Haizz

So if any of u r kind enuf.. Donate to me la ye?

Hehehe....

I very kelian one... Ok?

Owas dun get to enjoy my holidays...

Owas sick during holidays... Haizzz....

I deserve ur sympathy.... Rite?

----(^o^)----

K la.. Time to rest..

Home.. But not my home...

Haha....

I reached KK just now... Bout 2pm... Then phoned beloved "sort-of-taxi-driver-but kind hearted-Uncle Chong" to pick us up, as usual... Yalah yalah, the us meant ME + Ah Gui... Hehehe.. **no false guesses please..

Ok.. bek to the story... After reaching, we headed straight to our destination... Actly I decided to come KK cos I have to fly from here to JB on the 13th of June.. Yalah, I noe it's still a week away... Dun say that I am rich cos I chose to come KK instead of spending the week in Labuan... Ok.. Let me xplain.....

1. 
   The lodging is provided by CKA... His bro agreed to lend us his
   house for the week... Big thks ya~~ *HUGsss....
2. 
   I was thking that since his
   bro oso got left his car here, it would be easier for us to move around... not
   that in UMSKAL dun have car.. But there is only 1 CAR in rent the whole campus during this time.... And bla bla bla....
3. 
   And... err.... Oh ya...My J2EE program ended d ma...

Ok.. After we finally reach the house.. I was so excited... Then suddenly ah gui said that he wanted to volunteer drive the car out to buy thgs... I went to take a bath... Suddenly.. my hp rang.. Guess what?? Jeng Jeng Jeng.. --the car wun start-- (=.=)"'

Haha... So the main point is that.. KK or no KK.. I am still stuck at home... But at least KK is better than Labuan.. The public transport here is plenty... So.. I'm still contented... =)

Oh ya... And rite now.. And this moment... I reli reli would like to thank CKA... cos lending me his broadband... Abo.... Sure I live miserably this coming few days... Wuwuwu...

K la... Hungry d... Gonna cook up something to eat... Hah~ That's the other reason y I came here... (:

~A Long Break~ And Back~

OK..... (FYI: this is the 2nd re-edit liao.. Dunno Y.. Kip got thgs wrong)

Been a reali long time since I last updated my blogs with news about me, huh? Well, the last post was just before my laptop "kicked the bucket".. So sad.... Just after I formatted it, now I have to reformat again.... Great~

Hmm... Actly I am now onlining in KFC, and the time is 920am..... I have to wake up around 5am today, got "excited" packing my things... Reach the ferry terminal in a fluster.. Only to find out that the ferry for Sunday is at 1030am... Great~

But... Nasib baik I got CKA's broadband.. Abo.. Sure I bored to death... I thk this is gonna b just a short posting... My laptop is running out of batt.... But o... Tell u guys a secret la.... I thk it is also thks to his broadband that my laptop have to re-format....

So.. In conclusion... Should I thks him or should I not??

Hard to answer ley???

haizzz..... K la... Until here only....

Will update again very soon and tell u guys what I have been busy with these past few weeks..... =)

Chao~

* Fed-Up *

I give up!!!

Seriously, I'm tired!!

Tired on pining hopes on you...

Said you will change, but until now, there is no clue that you are ever gonna change!!

When will you ever understand me???!!!!

You definitely had me shattered yesterday when you said things like that...

I'm so so so sad that after all this time, you never really did understand me...

Mayb what I did really wasn't enough...

But I can tell you that I never treated someone the way I treated you..

Whatever you wanted me to change, I am willing to... But you???

All you ever do is point out my mistake, but when I point out yours?? Did you even try to change??

Damn!!!!!!!!!!

Whatever you wanted to think, up to you....

As long as I know that I really had tried my best and did whatever I could to save our relationship, then enough d....

Haizzz, I just can't help feeling so lost sometimes... I really did whatever I could to make you see, but why r u just so BLIND?

When will you ever wake up? And not take me for granted?

Nevermind...

As long as I know what I'm doing...

I can't be bothered with you anymore and I made up my mind to let things stay the way they are now...

Whatever people will say and think of me, I dun care anymore.. I KNOW WHAT I"M DOING!!!

I reli wish to go back home....

Perhaps I wudn't be feeling so MISERABLE like right now...

Ok... Gonna eat my full at Manja Rasa tonite and enjoy to the fullest~~~

Weeeeeeeeeee~~~

I so need to drink right now!!!

*Emo-ing again*

** Muahahahahahahahahahaha **

Come on....

Dun be terrified la... I'm not CRAZY...

Haha, I'm just so happy I changed the skin of my blog finally....

These few days too free d, wakakakaka.... Ended up I kept updating my blog like now..

Wheee~~

I got this "Fairy Dust" background for my blog... LuRveee it~~

Haha...

In case u wanna change too, cos influenced by me... U can contact me.. wahahaha...

The fastest way to contact me would be thru this chatbox there.. Can c ma???

Haha... Dun woorry..

Will reply as soon as possible...

Cos free ma... *Plz dun kill me* I dun mean to be so free

As u can c, I'm so free, I am even putting the words in different COLOURS...

Wahahahahahah~~~ I'm not CRAZY!

*Gruuuurrr*

Hungry again...

Roomate out again...

Waaaaaaaaaaaaa~~~~

*Hides in a corner*

*Emo-ing... Plz dun disturb*

* I CNT get to slip *

Wuwuwuwuwu...

When I finally found time to slip.. I pulak cnt sleep... ='(

Pathetic.... Duh...

The time is exactly 1.37am now...

Bad news : I haven't even bath.. And I have to wake up at 8.30 am tomorrow... But I'm not slipy... *Gee-hee-hee*

Good news : I get to eat decent food tomorrow... *Yippee~*

I'm so gonna get Panda eyes tomorrow... @___@

Haha, have to go bath now...My roomate is signalling that she will turn in anytime now... *Signals include: turning off computer, lying on her bed.. Gee-hee-hee*

Nytez guys....

*Offline*

... Am I Doomed?? ...

Okay...

I just finished my French oral test....

Haizz... It wasn't really as hard as I imagined.. But somehow the look on Miss's face made me feel bad...

I felt bad cos she tried her best to help us so that we would not fail this subject.. But then, all I ever do is waste time.. I'm getting lazier and lazier to revise my french... I reli feel bad for mis-using her kindness... ='(

Haizz.. Her looks just made me feel that she was dissapointed with me...

I couldn't find the courage to face her at all when she said we all did terribly in the midterm.. she helped us make the marks look better by helping us on section 5 of the paper... Thank you very much Miss... I reli feel grateful for that, but at the same time, I am so sorry....

Somehow I felt down... Not because of the oral exam.. But because of the dissapointed look on her face...

*Sigh*

*Another Lonely Day* .... *And thx MIss Annie Koay* ...

Hmmm....

Ok.. Last nite I was a Cinderella... Now I'm bek to the real world again...

My roomate is out again... Tonite she's not coming back...

Doudou will go out to celebrate later...

He is no longer in connection with me...

Conclusion is : I'm alone..... =(

Ok, I blog when I feel like I wanted to.. When I feel bored.. and when I feel alone... so no offence ya if I blog twice today.. hehe....=)

"K, I wud like to take this chance, to thk Miss Annie Koay.... If it wasn't for her, I wudn't have looked like I did yesterday... Thks so so so much... =)"

Haizz.. I reli feel like having another McD Sundae now... And I miss home.. I miss mom.. I miss my family.. They are all I have left now... ='(

I dunno wat am I crapping bout.. Mayb cos I just woke up... sometimes I reli wish never wake up.. Its a harsh world... =(

Arghhhhh...

McD anyone??? *smile*

*HAHA* Its all finished...

HAHA...

It wasn't a happy haha.. Rather, it was a insulting "HAHA"....

I felt weird today... Is there something wrong with me?

Haizz...

I am confused... What is it that I want???

Dunno till when I can carry on like this... Kip denying my own feelings... Its reli making me crazy....

I am not happy as I tot I would...

All I do was wear a "HAPPY MASK"...

The worst part.. I dunno wat's wrong...

If that someone else can do it, why can't I????!!!!!!!! Why can't I just forget????????!!!!!!!!

*For goodness sake, CAROL... get a hold of urself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Damn it.. feeling so lost, confused, mixed-up, mould-up feelings now....

Arghhhhhhhhh..

Mayb I shud just get some slip....

*Nytez*

Some things to remember, Some to forget

Arghh...

[Stretching]

[Smiling]

Been some time since I updated my blog... Been terribly busy with assignments these few days... In fact, the last few days were HELL... [feeling sinful using this word]

It was slogging from morning till nite.. To add to it, the weather was very HOT~ So it was wakeup-bath-open laptop-do work-hungry, cnt eat-do work-bath-bath-bath....

By today, I finished up 4 assignments.. Phew, that was quite a feat for me.. As I'm usually finding time to sleep, but this time, sleep = die.. So I cnt slip... [yawning]

My roomate's out again... I dunno wat I'm thking of these few days.. Things are getting from bad to worse then bland.. Life become bland.. Sometimes, I wish I would had the guts to just run away from here.. But I dun... I thk I never will.. =(

That day, on the bus, with my head resting on his shoulders.. I dunno y, but suddenly my face were wet.. Ughh, I was crying agn...

Can't help it.. Too many thgs had happened within these few weeks.. So short a time, yet so many thgs for my little head to handle.. Then there were also other problems...

~Bek to the story~

As my head rested on his shoulder, I thought bout lots of thgs.. From how we met, what we been through together.. All the happy times... [taking out tissue] Gosh~ Sometimes, I wish I can brain wash myself... Then mayb thgs will end up in a different way...

Its hard to forget someone who brought many happy and [sad] times to you, someone so dear..

Everytime I go out, when I walk past the places we used to hang out, I [see] us there.. Laughing, playing around... Everytime I go on a bus, I [see] us, with my head on his shoulder, while he sleeps all throughout the journey... [roll my eyes]... Everytime I go shopping for my facial products, I remember making him wait for quite sometime.. Eveytime I walk pass the Triumph booth in Parkson, I remember teasing him.. I remember how we met when I go for walks at the seaside... I remember what he did for me when I go in the hall.. There are too many memories of us.. It's throughly impossible to list down all... [Sigh]

But then again, it remains the memories... That's why, once again, "Plz cherish everyday, live life to the fullest, enjoy every moment, happy or sad... Cos things ain't goin to stay the same... One day, it all will chg.. But at that moment, there will be no regrets, cos u knew u enjoyed every moment, to its fullest".... *winks*

Ahhh... I am still very much in love with him... These memories will always remind me of him, of the happy times.. sad times... they're not going to fade... At least so, for the time being....

[Smile]

[Grrrruuuu]... Alamak.. I'm hungry lah.. Not yet dinner.. Anyone care to blanja me makan? McD Sundae perhaps? XD

*Happy Potion used-up*

I'm losing control of myself....

It's so ironic.. Only yesterday I said that I am learning to take it easy, now I'm being all MOODY... Like Moo~ ? Haha.. I used up my "Happy Potion"...

Gosh, too many things running in my head, dunno where to start from.. Guess gonna just keep it all inside - UNBLOGGED~

This week had been hectic.. Later at 8pm, another meeting to finis up my BUSINESS MANAGEMENT assignment... Gosh, I reli hate this course.. NO, I think I hate all the courses for this semester!!! It's all like wth am I studying bout??? Will I reli be using it later on? Duh.. No one noes, but then I still have to carry on...

Ahh, recently the school "no water" again...Haizz, bathing become another kind of stress.. You have to constantly worry wheter you will have water to bath later on... Stressedddd~~~

Hmm.. When will I see and feel a better day?

But I guess that's quite impossible for now...

*Stretch* I'm "smiling"...

*Hypnotize* I'm "happy"

At least that's what I can do for now... *Stand up and go isi water to bath*

*Learning to Take it Easy*

I am learning...

Announcing to the world: I am learning.. to take it easy.. to stand up again from my failures.. to learn to come face-to-face with my problems.. All in all, to become a better person...

In the past, I took things too seriously.. Its not that its a bad habit, but sometimes, one should just learn to take it easy.. When u smile, the whole world smiles with u.. U feel good when u smile, instantly a bad day turns into a better day, so y not? SMILE!! =)

16/03/09... Its a meaningful day for me... It marks a new chapter of my life, a new start, a life here afresh for me... I learn to let go... To forgive and forget.. I am learning to stand on my own..

Ahh.. someone asked me to update my blog today.. Here's making up to my
promise...

I dunno wat I'm blogging about actly... Haha, no offence ya? Just dat I would like to tell the whole world that I am currently happy~ Ahh, more of a "Happy-Go-Lucky" type, but then, I guess its good for me...

Ahh, during this time period, maybe I can learn to find myself back.. Just
treat it as a therapy, for my stressed-out soul..

Hmm.. Kip smiling!! Aja aja... *winks

*Tired* Wants *Sundae*

I am tired...

Seriously, I am tired~ Tired of trying but then no one sees it.. Tired of believing that there is hope for us.. I am TIRED~

Haizz, heard from a friend that today was supposed to be the "bai se qing ren jie" or White Valentine. Its actly a day when couples make up for each other on things that they were not able to get done with during the last valentine's day on 14 Feb.

Sadly, I spend the whole day today alone, without him... How ironic... Even more sad, he 4gotten this day..

Can't help it, he's busy, what can I do rite?

Mayb dats y I'm feeling so tired today.... I'm tired on pinning my hopes on him to change... Cos it's reli true what they say.. Somethings changed can never b unchanged... Gosh, I'm going EMO again...

But then I think, if all of this is going to end again, I am ready for it this time... No more emo-ing, no more tears~~ (Like J&J baby bath.. Muahahahahaha)

Haizzz... I reli wish that the school can extend the curfew hours and let us come bek as we please and go out as we please, then mayb now i at McD d.. At least I can eat the sundae to cheer me up, rite?

Oh, I wanna eat the vanilla Sundae!!!!!!!!

~TAggED.. AGN~

Ok.. I'm tagged by Rachel.. Haha... Sorry ya.. Now only can answer u.. My streamyx prob.. Anyway:

The RULES are:*They have to be real.... nothing made up!*If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use a different one.*You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.*TAG 5 more friends to do it....

The Initial - C for Carol

1. What is your name : Caroline Tan

2. A four Letter Word : Care

3. A boy's Name : Ceaser

4. A girl's Name : Cathyrine

5. An occupation : Caretaker

6. A colour : Corn's yellow?

7. Something you'll wear : Casual but Cool outfit

8. A Food : Cheese

9. Something found in the bathroom : Clearasil Facial wash?

10. A place : Country-side

11. A reason for being late : C-ing movie just now

12. Something you'd shout : Cis!! Y these question so hard to answer one??

13. A movie title : Casablanca

14. Something you drink : Cafe Latte

15. A musical group : Click-Five

16. An animal : Cow

17. A street name : Chow Kit road

18. A type of car : Civic

19. The title of a song : Crush (by Mandy Moore)

At Last I've finish it.. Now I'm tagging...

DouDou

Mr. Chin Kah Arng

Shannel

W.S.Q.

Poh Chie

~TAgGeD By Ms.Bean~

1. Carol's ex boy/girl-friend(s): Uhh... I dunno his real name (it's da truth~)

2. Carol is listenin' to: Songs from Click-Five.. Now its "The lion sleeps tonight"... XD

3. Maybe Carol Shud:Find ways to fatten herself up~~

4. Carol like to learn: Drum.. Its cool..

5. Carol's BestFriend:Haha.. one word - UNCOUNTABLE

6. Carol dont understand:Why she can't get fat.. ):

7. Carol lost:Lost??? She "NEVER" get lost... hor???

8. Many people said Carol kawaii: Wahahahahaha..... dun ke ke... got rite??

9. Carol's living in a place called: Pearl of Borneo.. Dun play play r.. got UK here u noe??? U pernah go b4 meh??

10. The meaning of Carol real name:Wahahaha.. I seriously dunno...

11. Love is:To sacrifice without asking for returns... ;)

12. The meaning of 'Forever':It's written in the spelling - "FOR" + "EVER"... try figure it out ba...

13. Carol will try:to concentrate... "MAli MalIhommm"....

14. Carol''s HP:Black colour one.. can take nice pic one..

15.Carol very annoyed:When someone steps on her bed... Truly get mad at this one...

16.Whenever Carol Wakeup from sleep:Resets her alarm every 9 mins.. so she can sleep longer.. Wahahaha...

17.Party is:Got many ppl one.... then oso got balloons.. and NICE FOOD... yeah~

18.The cutest animal:Hamster~~ But they stink.. **Sigh

19.Carol's best age:?? Dunno... I enjoy every age i thk... XD..

20.Carol's felt tension today:What to eat tonite? wanna pah toh o not?? haizz.. he no time agn..

21.Tonite, Carol will:Sleeps cukup beaucoup~~ hu hu~~

22.When Carol look at herself in the mirror this morning:Wah saii~~ It must be the mirror lah.. Not my face got prob.. Relaks.. Relakss...

23.Shopping Mall:Haizz... Only can window-shop.. Wen can I door-shop??

24.Fast food are usually:A place to hang out with frens.. Nothing nice to eat actly.. Just real "FAST FOOD"... Cehh...

25.Now... i'm going to tag: Miss Shannel Ooi...

~The Love Plant~

Hmmm....

Well, I've tot thgs over.. Chatted with a fren yesterday nite.. Gave her some counseilling... This fren of mine is going thru a very hard phase in her life... Dear fren, just in case u read this, I know u will recover.. Believe me, when all else fails, you will still have me and all the others by ur side.. So, never give up.. Cos when you do, no others can help you.. Be strong~ **winks

Hmm, as for me... I've just understood something.. It's truly very hard to keep on loving someone when you feel that you are not loved as much bek.. In the end, all you will have is dissapointment and hatred, plus.. Lots of question... Did I not give enough to deserve all this? Did he had a changed of heart? If yes, y??? If no, then what is it that I did to deserve all this? Am I reli someone so not worth being love? Truth is, there are lots of other question... But it would be too long to list down.. ='(

Well, I'm always wondering, why did he had to plant a love seed in my heart in the first place, if this is how he's gonna treat that fully bloomed plant in the end? What's love? How do u measure it?... A hard question eh?

I think I am going to set myself free... But can I?...

That love seed had since grown branches, and tiny lil flowers.. At one moment, it had already grown and all the lil flowers had fully bloomed... But now, there is no sunshine, no one waters it.. So it had in a way, withered... Sometimes, there's too much rain.. It drowns.... If I were to pluck it out of my heart, and throw it straight away, the pain would be so0 unbearable... Noe y? Cos it had since grown deep veins...

So, to throw or not to throw?.. That depends on whether I can stand the pain.. rite? But I am sure to be very careful to let another person plant seed in them... Cos the injury will only be more severe each time...

All I wanted was someone caring enough to water that plant he planted... If he know how to plant, then he should noe how to take care of it... But I thk that someone is truly so hard to find... Mayb I'm never gonna find it... Mayb I should just go bek to being the lonely me, cos I was at first lonely.. Mayb I am not even worth to taste BLISS.... haizzz....

That's my only wish for now... A guy who will make the pain worthwhile.. (:

~someone~

HaiZzz..

Haha.. I noe I noe.. My postings recently kept started with the word "haizzz"... Well, my dear Mr.Blog, I've been feeling weird today... Dunno y, started feeling like my world is tearing apart on the inside but I cnt show it on the outside... The worst part is, I dunno wat's wrg!! Haizzz.. So pathetic~

Sometimes I reli wish that I can be granted a few wish.. Haha.. I reli wish to have someone who loves me just the way I am... Someone who cherishes me and love me becos he REALLY do... HAizz.. I never tot dat it would be so DAMN hard to find someone like dat....

Mayb I should just keep this posting private.. In case my someone read it.. Rite? Well, I din mean to hurt him if he will b reading this.. Just that, I dunno whr else to express my feelings..

Sometimes, I'm afraid... I'm reli scared if in the end, its all just a beautiful dream.. NOT reality.... How nice if I am able to know who I will end up with in the end.. then mayb I won't have to worry so much...

I just want to be HAPPY~~

~Song Of Meaning~

HaizzZ..

Recently I got addicted to the song "Mary Jane" by Click Five... The lyrics were full of meaning.. Haha.. I thk cos it somehows relates to my feelings and perception of the word "change"...

Said in my last postings that I am starting to b afraid of chgs.. Cos they were reli scary...

Making decisions is also another scary thg 4 me... But sometimes, I reli couldn't control how I react to certain thgs... Guess you cn say that I am very very emotional.. *Sigh...

Well, in "Mary Jane"... It was said that the boy regretted cos the girl he let go in the past din seem to b the same girl anymore after sometimes.. Mayb he regretted the decision... Hmm.. Well... mayb time reli had a way of taking back things that you once took for granted.. And even if u regretted agn in the future.. You will forever had lost that certain thgs.. Mayb time reli can do so0 much...

Haizz... So just a piece of sincere advice here : Do cherish what or who you have by your sides now.. Cos once you lose them.. It is impossible to get them back... Don't regret it only when its too late.. Only when time had taken back what you tot you had...

~Still In the HoliDay Mood~ Gosh....

HAizzz...

Anyone can help me? I'm still in the holiday mood.. All I thk bout these days is going out to have fun.. even if it means it will leave me hopeless financially... haha... I cnt be cured, can I?

Haizz, now blogging all alone in my room.. Surfing the Net la, friendster-ing la, chatting la (even though nobody wanna chat with me *sobs), and etc.. etc.. It is so very boring la~~

Hmm... only thru my blog I can express my feelings.. I thk if my blog was human, it would had leave me long time ago.. hehe.. cos I am a bad master.. Only look for it wen I am bored near death..

Haizz, c wat i write oso noe i am just writing for fun.. Reli too0 boring la... Wat to do?? the ppl around me is so0 busy with their own lives recently.. My roomate goes out pahtoh-ing all the time... maklumlah.. dah berpunya... hehe... as for Ms.Bean, she got lots of work to do too.. so I dun dare disturb her... My dear ley.. Haizz.. let me describe his schedule for u.. -meeting, proposal, dinner at KK, meeting, proposal, go KK, meeting, proposal, bla bla bla..... The list continues.. Pathetic rite? I thk so too... But wat to do?? I love him too much... haha...

He won't even b here next Sat.. Noe wat day dat is? The universal lovers day... Haizzz... Dats y I've been wishing for a time machine... wanna turn bek time.. Or mayb just stop time... Make time longer.. haha.. so many uses for the time machine...

Now.. I have a quiz next Wed, and I am still not in the mood to study for it.. an assignment cumin up too.. GOsh~~ I'm Doo0med~~

DAts it for now... When I'm boring.. I'll look for u agn ya, Mr.Blog... =)

~ Change ~

Hmm...

Change.. what is it? I am starting to be afraid of changes. Evrythg around me is changing, even that someone who is so dear to me is. Sometimes, chgs are good, but sometimes it could be frightening. Really...

I wanted to adapt, but its reli hard. How can you actly adapt when the other party aren't responding.. rite?

If only I could turn bek time, I reli hope all this had not even started in the beginning.. Its frightening... God, I wish that I could be stronger.. Amen..

~Another Day~ Another decision~ I still hate myself!

Haha....

Haha... while waiting for the water to boil... I'd add another post here... Haizz.. today I went for a scrumptious "reunion" dinner at a restaurant where I went twice, but still dunno its name... Only noe that its refered to upstairs, and at tepi laut.. haha...

Before that, I tried went out as fren with him... But I still cnt do it.. Gosh, I fil so0 cheap... I feel terrible... Wat's wrg with me??? First I say like dis, then I do like that.. I hate myself~~

Haizz.. Mayb I still nid time.. I just cnt face reality at all.. All I ever think about is running away and hide.. I'm such a coward and I'm reli ashamed of it... Shit~

Tomorrow I'll be on my way home... And I pray for a better day ahead of me... I cnt turn back, it's all too late... I hate myself... ='(

Time to bath... Mayb I'll succeed... Who noes, rite?....

~MiXeD FeeLinGss~

Still Time...

Ok, there's still time to add another post in here... Haha... Perfect time, cos my rumate isn't around.. She's been very busy "sweet-talking" this few days.. Haizzz... Love birds are like dat aren't they? Well, just suddenly felt like blogging, so, y not, rite?

Hmm... I'll be going bek in 2 days time, for the CNY.. Dis time, I'll be going bek with a mixed feeling... Happy + Sad + Nervous.. bla bla bla... Dunno y, felt different.. Maybe cos I'll be going bek "alone" ba.... Haizzz...

Dis few days, got lots of support and advices frm my dear frens.. Here, I'd like to say "THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!".. Reli, it's frm the bottom-est of my heart... Sum told me to b strong, sum "suan" me and cheered me up instead, sum ask me to think bout thgs carefully... Ask me to make sure that I choose the right decision, so that I will not regret later... Hmm... I noe the that I should listen to my heart.. But my head tells me not to.. There's too many reason as to why i shouldn'y listen to my heart...

Guess it's fate.. We end here...Been feeling better today.. except that my stomach is not back to its usual self... haha...

I guess that's all for today... I wish that in a few days time, I'll be stronger.. and happier... And better.. TOo many ANDs.....

I wanna go home... Wish I'd never come bek... Haha.. But dats just impossible... Hope there's a miracle so that dis wish of mine comes true... =P

... POEM ...

Perhaps Its Better This Way.....

Haizzz....

Time and again.. the same thing happens.... This time, we chose to end it.... I thought I can forget it all and start life anew... But now, I realize that its not easy at all... Of course, needless to say, it hurts so much that I even thought of the the "easiest" way to end it all...

In this past few weeks, too many thgs had happened.. It all reli just happened, and it was all too fast... Was I in the wrong? It's a question I would always ask myself... But even if I knew the answer, so what? It's all over... This time, there's no turning back... Too late, I suppose... No matter how it hurts, I still have to put on a happy face and move on...

Memories can be hurting, can't they? Sometimes I just wish that I can turn bek time, and start all over again... But if all humans can do that, then why does the word regret exists?? Haizzz... I regret trusting someone so much, and loving someone so much, that at the end of the day, I am the one that hurts the most... Wonder if I'll ever learn to trust again...

It's reli funny that my 1st post for this sem should had to be so sad... Time and again I wish I cud just cut my wrist, end it all.... But everytime I hold the knife near, I just tot of my family... Mayb I'm just stupid... It's not worth it, I know... God, i pray that I can be stronger than this....

Haha, I still miss him... Guess the insincere prayer din work out.... I guess I need more time... And until then, I pray that he would owas be happy and find what he was looking for... And that, he would not have regrets by taking the road that he chose... May he achieve the success he wanted.. Amen...

p/s : If u're reading this right now, I just wanted to know that I truly love u... And may u b happy and have no regrets.. Let's move on... And I'm sorry.... ='(