~Another Day~ Another decision~ I still hate myself!

Haha....

Haha... while waiting for the water to boil... I'd add another post here... Haizz.. today I went for a scrumptious "reunion" dinner at a restaurant where I went twice, but still dunno its name... Only noe that its refered to upstairs, and at tepi laut.. haha...

Before that, I tried went out as fren with him... But I still cnt do it.. Gosh, I fil so0 cheap... I feel terrible... Wat's wrg with me??? First I say like dis, then I do like that.. I hate myself~~

Haizz.. Mayb I still nid time.. I just cnt face reality at all.. All I ever think about is running away and hide.. I'm such a coward and I'm reli ashamed of it... Shit~

Tomorrow I'll be on my way home... And I pray for a better day ahead of me... I cnt turn back, it's all too late... I hate myself... ='(

Time to bath... Mayb I'll succeed... Who noes, rite?....

~MiXeD FeeLinGss~

Still Time...

Ok, there's still time to add another post in here... Haha... Perfect time, cos my rumate isn't around.. She's been very busy "sweet-talking" this few days.. Haizzz... Love birds are like dat aren't they? Well, just suddenly felt like blogging, so, y not, rite?

Hmm... I'll be going bek in 2 days time, for the CNY.. Dis time, I'll be going bek with a mixed feeling... Happy + Sad + Nervous.. bla bla bla... Dunno y, felt different.. Maybe cos I'll be going bek "alone" ba.... Haizzz...

Dis few days, got lots of support and advices frm my dear frens.. Here, I'd like to say "THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!".. Reli, it's frm the bottom-est of my heart... Sum told me to b strong, sum "suan" me and cheered me up instead, sum ask me to think bout thgs carefully... Ask me to make sure that I choose the right decision, so that I will not regret later... Hmm... I noe the that I should listen to my heart.. But my head tells me not to.. There's too many reason as to why i shouldn'y listen to my heart...

Guess it's fate.. We end here...Been feeling better today.. except that my stomach is not back to its usual self... haha...

I guess that's all for today... I wish that in a few days time, I'll be stronger.. and happier... And better.. TOo many ANDs.....

I wanna go home... Wish I'd never come bek... Haha.. But dats just impossible... Hope there's a miracle so that dis wish of mine comes true... =P

... POEM ...

Perhaps Its Better This Way.....

Haizzz....

Time and again.. the same thing happens.... This time, we chose to end it.... I thought I can forget it all and start life anew... But now, I realize that its not easy at all... Of course, needless to say, it hurts so much that I even thought of the the "easiest" way to end it all...

In this past few weeks, too many thgs had happened.. It all reli just happened, and it was all too fast... Was I in the wrong? It's a question I would always ask myself... But even if I knew the answer, so what? It's all over... This time, there's no turning back... Too late, I suppose... No matter how it hurts, I still have to put on a happy face and move on...

Memories can be hurting, can't they? Sometimes I just wish that I can turn bek time, and start all over again... But if all humans can do that, then why does the word regret exists?? Haizzz... I regret trusting someone so much, and loving someone so much, that at the end of the day, I am the one that hurts the most... Wonder if I'll ever learn to trust again...

It's reli funny that my 1st post for this sem should had to be so sad... Time and again I wish I cud just cut my wrist, end it all.... But everytime I hold the knife near, I just tot of my family... Mayb I'm just stupid... It's not worth it, I know... God, i pray that I can be stronger than this....

Haha, I still miss him... Guess the insincere prayer din work out.... I guess I need more time... And until then, I pray that he would owas be happy and find what he was looking for... And that, he would not have regrets by taking the road that he chose... May he achieve the success he wanted.. Amen...

p/s : If u're reading this right now, I just wanted to know that I truly love u... And may u b happy and have no regrets.. Let's move on... And I'm sorry.... ='(