Sunday, February 22, 2009

~The Love Plant~

Hmmm....


Well, I've tot thgs over.. Chatted with a fren yesterday nite.. Gave her some counseilling... This fren of mine is going thru a very hard phase in her life... Dear fren, just in case u read this, I know u will recover.. Believe me, when all else fails, you will still have me and all the others by ur side.. So, never give up.. Cos when you do, no others can help you.. Be strong~ **winks

Hmm, as for me... I've just understood something.. It's truly very hard to keep on loving someone when you feel that you are not loved as much bek.. In the end, all you will have is dissapointment and hatred, plus.. Lots of question... Did I not give enough to deserve all this? Did he had a changed of heart? If yes, y??? If no, then what is it that I did to deserve all this? Am I reli someone so not worth being love? Truth is, there are lots of other question... But it would be too long to list down.. ='(

Well, I'm always wondering, why did he had to plant a love seed in my heart in the first place, if this is how he's gonna treat that fully bloomed plant in the end? What's love? How do u measure it?... A hard question eh?

I think I am going to set myself free... But can I?...

That love seed had since grown branches, and tiny lil flowers.. At one moment, it had already grown and all the lil flowers had fully bloomed... But now, there is no sunshine, no one waters it.. So it had in a way, withered... Sometimes, there's too much rain.. It drowns.... If I were to pluck it out of my heart, and throw it straight away, the pain would be so0 unbearable... Noe y? Cos it had since grown deep veins...

So, to throw or not to throw?.. That depends on whether I can stand the pain.. rite? But I am sure to be very careful to let another person plant seed in them... Cos the injury will only be more severe each time...

All I wanted was someone caring enough to water that plant he planted... If he know how to plant, then he should noe how to take care of it... But I thk that someone is truly so hard to find... Mayb I'm never gonna find it... Mayb I should just go bek to being the lonely me, cos I was at first lonely.. Mayb I am not even worth to taste BLISS.... haizzz....

That's my only wish for now... A guy who will make the pain worthwhile.. (:

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

~someone~

HaiZzz..

Haha.. I noe I noe.. My postings recently kept started with the word "haizzz"... Well, my dear Mr.Blog, I've been feeling weird today... Dunno y, started feeling like my world is tearing apart on the inside but I cnt show it on the outside... The worst part is, I dunno wat's wrg!! Haizzz.. So pathetic~


Sometimes I reli wish that I can be granted a few wish.. Haha.. I reli wish to have someone who loves me just the way I am... Someone who cherishes me and love me becos he REALLY do... HAizz.. I never tot dat it would be so DAMN hard to find someone like dat....


Mayb I should just keep this posting private.. In case my someone read it.. Rite? Well, I din mean to hurt him if he will b reading this.. Just that, I dunno whr else to express my feelings..


Sometimes, I'm afraid... I'm reli scared if in the end, its all just a beautiful dream.. NOT reality.... How nice if I am able to know who I will end up with in the end.. then mayb I won't have to worry so much...

I just want to be HAPPY~~

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

~Song Of Meaning~

HaizzZ..

Recently I got addicted to the song "Mary Jane" by Click Five... The lyrics were full of meaning.. Haha.. I thk cos it somehows relates to my feelings and perception of the word "change"...

Said in my last postings that I am starting to b afraid of chgs.. Cos they were reli scary...

Making decisions is also another scary thg 4 me... But sometimes, I reli couldn't control how I react to certain thgs... Guess you cn say that I am very very emotional.. *Sigh...

Well, in "Mary Jane"... It was said that the boy regretted cos the girl he let go in the past din seem to b the same girl anymore after sometimes.. Mayb he regretted the decision... Hmm.. Well... mayb time reli had a way of taking back things that you once took for granted.. And even if u regretted agn in the future.. You will forever had lost that certain thgs.. Mayb time reli can do so0 much...

Haizz... So just a piece of sincere advice here : Do cherish what or who you have by your sides now.. Cos once you lose them.. It is impossible to get them back... Don't regret it only when its too late.. Only when time had taken back what you tot you had...

Sunday, February 8, 2009

~Still In the HoliDay Mood~ Gosh....

HAizzz...

Anyone can help me? I'm still in the holiday mood.. All I thk bout these days is going out to have fun.. even if it means it will leave me hopeless financially... haha... I cnt be cured, can I?

Haizz, now blogging all alone in my room.. Surfing the Net la, friendster-ing la, chatting la (even though nobody wanna chat with me *sobs), and etc.. etc.. It is so very boring la~~

Hmm... only thru my blog I can express my feelings.. I thk if my blog was human, it would had leave me long time ago.. hehe.. cos I am a bad master.. Only look for it wen I am bored near death..

Haizz, c wat i write oso noe i am just writing for fun.. Reli too0 boring la... Wat to do?? the ppl around me is so0 busy with their own lives recently.. My roomate goes out pahtoh-ing all the time... maklumlah.. dah berpunya... hehe... as for Ms.Bean, she got lots of work to do too.. so I dun dare disturb her... My dear ley.. Haizz.. let me describe his schedule for u.. -meeting, proposal, dinner at KK, meeting, proposal, go KK, meeting, proposal, bla bla bla..... The list continues.. Pathetic rite? I thk so too... But wat to do?? I love him too much... haha...

He won't even b here next Sat.. Noe wat day dat is? The universal lovers day... Haizzz... Dats y I've been wishing for a time machine... wanna turn bek time.. Or mayb just stop time... Make time longer.. haha.. so many uses for the time machine...

Now.. I have a quiz next Wed, and I am still not in the mood to study for it.. an assignment cumin up too.. GOsh~~ I'm Doo0med~~

DAts it for now... When I'm boring.. I'll look for u agn ya, Mr.Blog... =)

Thursday, February 5, 2009

~ Change ~

Hmm...

Change.. what is it? I am starting to be afraid of changes. Evrythg around me is changing, even that someone who is so dear to me is. Sometimes, chgs are good, but sometimes it could be frightening. Really...

I wanted to adapt, but its reli hard. How can you actly adapt when the other party aren't responding.. rite?

If only I could turn bek time, I reli hope all this had not even started in the beginning.. Its frightening... God, I wish that I could be stronger.. Amen..